Failing At My 2018 Goals

So for 2018, I had goals of wanting to grow in three areas. Faith. Health and Motivation. I can honestly say until May, I was only "working on them" and not working on them. I've been failing my goals and

In May, I finally started working on those goals. Well at least the health one. I joined crossfit with my dad and I go anywhere between 2-4 (i'm aiming for 5) days a week. I've dropped ten pounds since the start of this year. My A1C went down by .1. My Triglycerides went down from 151 to 110 and LDL 111 to 77. My body fat percentage has decreased slightly. I am no where near where I want to be or comfortable with sharing the starting number, but I hope by this time next year I am.

Now faith, is honestly the one I've definitely failed in so far. I started out strong by reading a devotional, going to meetings for a club that I feel in love with my freshman year of college and will now be serving on the lead team for and I tried doing small things by having thirty minutes of just listening to Jesus music a day. But that slacked off because I felt distant. My devotional was what was keeping me close and pulling me in but when it started to focus solely on marriages and kids it became unrelatable for myself, a twenty year old college student. I saw the daily devotional turn into weekly and then monthly and well barely. I wandered off and let the waves take me under. I lost focus and a strong connection that I really thought I was starting to build. I failed.

Both of these failures thus far have led to decrease motivation. I write blog posts and then leave them unfinished or start ideas but never finish. I still procrastinate too, and I can't help but think if the other two were solid this would be better now too, but it isn't.

So, how did I realize I was failing goals I set for myself. Well I've noticed myself getting more frustrated and impatient when usually I've always been a patient person. I've been feeling distant in the relationships with the people closest to me. I was lost because my relationship with Him was not there as much as it had been.

I realized I was a person standing at the beach hoping the tide would come to me and not having to go to it. I was telling myself and others I was working on these goals when in reality I hadn't even made the first step. I was stuck in the idea that I was making improvements when I only scratched the surface of it all. I know I need to get better and I'll become stronger once again.

Am I terrified to post this? Yes, I am because I am literally writing it then posting it. I want it to be raw and vulnerable and not perfect and edited that I've always striven for and although no one has ever expected it of me, I've expected it of myself. So, if you got this far. Thank you and if you have any good daily devotional suggested please send them to me.