Blogmas Day 19: 20 Things I've Learned in 20 years

This is my first post as a twenty year old, because today is my twentieth birthday. Which is why I’ve decided that each year on my blog, I will publish an article similar to this, so next years’ would be 21 things I’ve learned in 21 years and so on. however, right now I am only twenty. Some of these things will be meaningful, some funny and some that we all go through in life. A side note is these are not in order of the years I experienced them

1. Friends grow apart

Whether it’s different classes, different schools, different states, different countries or just life, you will grow apart from certain friends. I’ve touched on this in my previous article called a reason, a season and a lifetime. I had a childhood best friend who I was close with in elementary school, but when she moved back to England we drifted apart. Emails were sent but never read, letters were written but never sent and best friends for life became friends on Facebook.

Some might say that is still friends, but outside of Facebook, how often do you actually text or have a normal conversation with seventy-five percent of those people. Most of your Facebook “friends” are now distant strangers.

Friends grow apart and while it sucks, there is nothing that can stop life from getting in the way.

2. Go for it

Whatever you want just go for it. If something has been placed on your heart then go and chase after it. There is a reason for everything and everything happens for a reason. Just always listen to your heart and go for it. While it might not be easy at first, do not let your fear of failure stop you from going after your dreams. Just go for it because sometimes the biggest hurdle is yourself.

3. Saying goodbye to a pet is not easy

Well when I’m talking pets, I mean the ones that live longer such as cats and dogs. I’m not saying that people cannot get attached to fish, hermit crabs, mice, hamsters, bunnies or guinea pigs, but they’re animals that you get an expect to die fairly soon or not live as long.

I’ve had plenty of fish some that only lasted a day, but I’ve also had hamsters that I had for two years and cried over when they died. I also had hermit crabs, but I don’t remember much about the ones I had.

However, the hardest goodbye was March 14th, 2016. It was the day we had to put my dog down because he had cancer in his sinuses. I was a mess that whole week after, all I did was sleep, eat, go to school to take exams and then come home to cry until I tired myself out. I took losing Sparky really hard. At a little under two years, I still cry on his birthday, the anniversary of his death and sometimes other little random memories of him.

Now you’re probably wondering, did I get another dog? The answer is no. I like the idea of getting another dog and I think both of my parents are ready for another dog, but I still am not ready for another dog. I might think other dogs like corgis, pugs and other huskies are cute, but I am just not in a place to have another dog. I mean it hasn’t been quite two years and until I can talk about or write about him without being on the verge of tears, I don’t think I’ll be ready for another dog.

I get that some people move on faster especially if they have gone through it before, but each person is different. Some people may need a month, some a year and some even more. It all depends on the person and how close they were with that animal. Just take all the time you need because each person varies.

In the time that I originally wrote this section, we had to put down my oldest cat Sagwa who I had since I was in preschool. Like Sparky she also had a tumor, but hers was in her jaw. While it was the second pet, it still was not easy because it was the first cat I lost, but it was not as hard as losing the first major pet.

4. It’s okay to express what you are feeling

There is a story my dad always tells me of when I was young and I’ll give you part of it. Apparently when I was younger like maybe seven or eight about a time where I just wanted to be in my room because I was feeling blue.

Now there will be people who will tell you “conceal, don’t feel” but be like Elsa and just “let it go.” Recognize and own your feelings because when you know what you are going through you can know what to do to make yourself feel better. Female or male, it is a great thing to be in touch without your emotions. Emotions make you stronger not weaker.

5. You’re first heartbreak might not be a romantic one

Even though I have never been in a relationship up to this point that I am writing this, doesn’t mean I haven’t experience heartbreak. Sometimes its knowing you’ll never see someone again because the moved, or your favorite band breaking up or your favorite member of a band deciding to leave. These are all things I will admit to crying to for at least a week.

You would think I wouldn’t cry about favorite members of a band leaving after 2014 when three people in my favorite band left, but I still did in January. I can honestly tell you I remember each day the people left these two bands. Dalton left IM5 on March 3rd, 2014 and then his replacement David came in May and left October 20th, 2014 even though it wasn’t announced until a month later and then original member Will left on December 16th, 2014. Yeah 2014 was a rough year for this 5er (it’s what the fanbase was called). However, even though I did cry on February 22nd, 2016 when one of the three remaining members addressed they did split and IM5 was no more, none of those hurt as much as January 15th, 2017.

This past January, Johnny Costa left a pop duo called The Weekend Riot. I blubbered like a baby in the church parking lot as I saw the texts from my friends, the video from the remaining member Bruce and Johnny’s note on twitter. I cried for a week and then I cried the first time I listened to their ep again which was about a month after the whole thing. I was a mess to say the least.

Boybands will break your heart. I’m laughing as I typed that, but I’m a hundred percent serious on that. I love boybands and I hate them at the same time. It’s a fangirl problem.

6. You don’t need to be popular to the masses

I think we would all be lying if there wasn’t a time where you wanted to fit in and sit at the “cool kids” table in the lunchroom. Some of us wanted to be popular more than others, but with each passing year popularity matters less and less.

In pre-k, girls hung with girls and boys hung with boys because well “cooties” and “germs.”

Then in elementary school, a cool kids table didn’t exist because you sat with your class. The only time one sat at a different table is when you grandma brought you Chick-Fil-A and you got to sit outside or when you did well and got to eat in the classroom.

Next is middle school. Middle school seems to be the center of popularity because of all the raging hormones, crushes, changing schedules and getting to pick where you sit for lunch.

Then high school happens and you care your freshmen year and maybe even a little sophomore year, but then junior year your absorbed in your text messages and not the conversations around you. then finally you’re a senior and at my school we had a special section but that didn’t even matter with the privilege to each off campus because Panera, Chick-Fil-A and Subway are all around the corner.

Finally, you’re in college and if you live on campus you have a dining plan. Or if you’re a commuter student like me then you rarely eat on campus, but when you do it’s from one of two places Chick-Fil-A or Dunkin’ Donuts. I literally will order my food, find an empty space and eat all by myself. Honestly, by college popularity isn’t a thing. Yes, cliques still exist, but where don’t they?

Honestly, you do not need to be popular to the masses. All you need is a solid wolf pack or tribe or circle of people who are there to support you.

7. It’s okay to be scared of change

I feel like a lot of times we hear others tell us to embrace the change, change is good and change helps us grow. Yes, change is good, and yes it does help us grow in life. However, no one ever preaches about how change is scary. Change can be hard to adjust to. Abrupt change can make us feel like someone just pulled out the chair we were sitting on right from underneath of us. change can be terrifying.

I will be the first one to say as much as I love school, I was terrified of college. I’m not joking, I literally came home crying from my first day of orientation. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I was on campus from seven in the morning until nine at night with tasteless meal options for lunch and dinner. I found out my major wasn’t for me because I was at the time one of three statistics majors, and the other two had their whole career planned out and I had no clue. I felt flustered and lost. It had hit me that I was just one student on a campus of 60,000 plus people. I barely knew anyone and the only thing I knew which was my major was now out the window.

It was stressful to say the least. Did I get through it? Yes, I did just like my dad said I would even though in that moment it didn’t seem possible. Change is hard. Change is difficult. Change is embracing the unknown and hoping everything will work out.

It is a hundred okay to be scared. It will take some time, but the adjustment will come and the puzzle pieces will all seem to fit together, but it does take time.

8. It’s growing pains and all the scars that made you who you are

Heartache and pain are just a part of life. Whether physical or emotional, life just happens. Pain might come from breaking your ankle in the middle of ballet class, or finding out your crush likes someone else.

As these items might have hurt, they were all a part of your path. Because of every little pain you experience, you became stronger or found a new way to approach things.

Trust me, I always hated being injured during my dance day. As a result, though it would always give me something else to do. If I had injured my wrist during acro, I still could sit on the side and stretch. If I broke my ankle during ballet, I got to stay home and focus on school. If I was cut from senior company from lacking some skills, I became the oldest in junior company and a group leader because I was then the most advanced.

These can all be devastating and disappointing, but look for the bright side in it all. Pain will come from falling off a bike to having your heart broken by whoever it might. It’s not avoidable, but it is manageable. Also it by no means will be easy in that moment, but when you look back you'll see how far you've grown as a person.

9. Make the most of your school days

Another thing, I feel like a lot of people say is “I hate school.” I do believe there are center situations whether there is an external factor to blame such as bullying, bias and harsh treatments just to name a few. However, most of it is up to you as a person to make it what you can.

I know so many people who said they hated school, and while I do think some people think it is trendy to hate school like other things and people. Just stand on your own and enjoy school. School is what you make it.

You may hate how you looked on the day of your seventh grade photo. You may hate that one girl who was your best friend but left you in the dust for popularity. You may hate that test that you failed. You may hate that teacher who obviously had favorites. But did you really hate everything about your six or three or four years in elementary or middle or high school?

If you said yes, was there something you could have done about it? If you could, you probably didn’t fully hate school. Sure there might have been a subject, teacher, classmate or friend you hated, but you probably hated on the missed opportunities.

Personally, I went to every high school dance, most of middle school ones, I was involved with yearbook, Mu Alpha Theta (the national mathematics honor society), National Honor Society and student government. I took electives from drama to art to AP Psychology to Law Studies. I went to Grad Bash and football games and swim matches and plays and pep rallies. I made the most of my time in school and I’m even doing the same in college.

I’ll say about ninety percent of the time, it is up to you as a person to make the most of your school days and enjoy it. Enjoy your time in school with the people you’ve known since kindergarten because shortly you will all go your separate ways. While you may keep in touch with some, most it’s a Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday text… if you’re lucky. It’s all a part of your journey in life. Things can change in the matter of minutes. Enjoy that time while you can.

10. Take time to breathe

This lesson relates to the previous one. Just because you want to make the most of everything, do not put too much on your plate. There is a line between a reasonable amount of activities and too many.

There will be times where everything is due or there are multiple tests on one day, but do not do not forget to take time for yourself.

Take time to breathe.

Just find some small relaxing activity to do when you get stressed. Stress is another thing that you cannot avoid because none means you have no motivation, but too much is unhealthy. Take time to find that healthy balance. Just remember everything will be fine.

11. Don’t be afraid to change your major

This is another thing so many people tell you not to do. Here’s the thing though, you don’t have to decide right away. Your first two years of college are mainly general education program classes. These are the English composition, the history, the college algebra and the biology classes that everyone takes before deciding on a major.

You have time to explore. You have time to decide. Do not stress yourself out if your intended major is not for you. you will not fall behind because you can always make up for lost time in the summer semesters.

I’m a sophomore in college and I came in as a statistics major, but after orientation I learned that major wasn’t for me. I took my first summer and first fall semesters taking GEPS. Then in the spring I took two major exploring classes and two GEPs. Come summer and this past fall I’m finished my GEPS and found a major. I still have to apply to the program but I can say I switched my major twice; statistics to undeclared to elementary education.

Do not worry because you will find a major meant for you and one that you will love. However, do be careful because two many switches can put you behind and put you at risk for excess hours which means additional costs. But there is a reasonable amount of time to explore.

12. Some girls are just well, mean girls

I think we can all think of someone we didn’t get along well with or someone who said something about us behind our back. This is one of those things that I wish wasn’t a thing, but sadly it is.

I’ve dealt with some mean girls of my own. Now when I’m talking about mean girls, I’m talking about the people who are intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. Not the ones who accidentally said something they wish they didn’t and then apologized for it or when a joke is taken the wrong way and then apologized profusely.

There is a difference; mean girls will not apologize and it was intentional, but a person who make a mistake will try to do everything to fix their wrong doing by apologizing and reaching out.

As for mean girls, well people who are mean in general, they want to appear better and bigger. It makes them feel powerful when they make you feel small. However, this is not a reflection of you but of them. They have their own insecurities like us all, but are too afraid to admit them. Which causes them instead to pick on someone else.

Mean girls comes in all shapes and forms. Movies make it out to be that popular girl you never talked to that picked on the really shy kid, but in the reality, it comes from someone close. It may be a betrayal or a bunch of lies or being replaced. It can come from anyone that knows your name.

13. Be ambitious

My dad tells me all the time, that being ambitious is not a bad thing. However, people like to use it in a negative way. There is a difference between being goal oriented and doing whatever it takes to get where you want.

Ambitious is not a bad quality at all. It means that you have something you want to accomplish and want to go after it to better yourself. Ambition is not going after your goals and diminishing other people’s goals along the way. One is sensible and smart the other is cruel and selfish.

Do not be afraid to go after your own dreams. If you do, just be respectful of others dreams and aspirations.

14. Find time for the simple things

Sometimes we all get caught up in everything we have to do. We start planning every minute and detail we have to do in order to get a goal done. It can be exhausting though to be go, go, go all the time. While schedules may be busy with events, school, work and trying to balance a social life, but don’t forget to breathe in all of the hustle and bustle.

Take time for yourself every once in a while. We all need time to decompress and destress. It could be as simple as taking a nap, watching a movie or playing with your pet or it could be something that requires a little more preparation such as a nice bath with candles and a bath bomb from Lush Cosmetics, getting your nails or hair done, or going shopping to buy that one item you’ve been debating now for quite some time.

It's okay to take a moment to breathe life into yourself once again.

15. Let Go

Letting Go represents two things; let go of things that happened in the past and let go of material objects that are just cluttered space.

Both of these can be extremely hard. While we live in the present we either seem to be fixated on the past or on the future. Basically, as a society we do not live in the moment. We either wished that a situation ended differently or we want to know why something went that way or try to still make sense of a past conflict or other reasons to be fixated on the past.

I’m personally guilty of this. There are few scenarios to this day, that logic based side of me tries to figure out why someone said or did something. However, I do know that my best days are ahead of me, so after I’m done thinking about the past I start thinking about the future.

This leads me to my next part of letting go. Sometimes we keep material items because they could be useful in the future. Although, this can just lead to clutter. I will say there are certain items that make sense to keep though whether for practicality or sentimental reasons.

A few items that I can say that I am well stocked up on are gift tags, gift wrap, tissue paper, and gift bags which is pretty practical and it sits in a bin under the bed, so not a lot of physical space is lost either. On the other hand though, I have items such as a signed bowling pin from my fourteenth birthday party that is just sitting on a shelf with a bunch of other random objects. I guarantee I could take pictures of that item, and scrapbook it for memories sake. That would be less space and so much better.

There are so many things that we keep from our past that are there for future’s sake and while it might be hard to get rid of for certain reasons. Maybe trying getting rid of the things you have the least attachment to and take a picture of it just to remember it down the road. Space taken up on an external hard drive is less clutter than space taken up in your room.

Letting go can be extremely hard, but it can be better to just do it. It will be hard in the moment of to do so, but maybe a month or more later you will be glad you did.

16. Take loads of pictures

I’m a photographer, scrapbooker, and I was in yearbook in both middle and high school, so this one might be more biased than the other eighteen items I have learned in my twenty years thus far. However, takes as many pictures as possible. Trust me I cannot tell you how many times a friend of mine will say oh I wish I had pictures of this. Occasionally, they will luck out and I will have pictures of them if they are a close friend, but just take lots of photos. In the moment it might be annoying, but you’ll be thankful later on.

So go ahead and take that selfie during that one time you were stopped in traffic for an hour. Go take that picture of you getting ready for the big dance. Take that picture of you and your best friend getting Italian ice and then sitting in the parking lot for hours just talking about life. Just take the picture. After all, most phones have a camera.

17. Goodbyes are hard

Whether temporary or permanent, no goodbye is ever easy. Whether it is saying goodbye to your best friend as she moves into her dorm or saying goodbye to a best friend moving to another country. Whether it is saying goodbye to your old school, friends and teachers or saying goodbye to family, the place you once called home or your childhood pet. It is all difficult.

The hardest part about goodbyes is either knowing this might be the last time you see them, it is the last time or it will be a while until hellos are said again. It is hard to do, but we all have to do it at some point in time.

Personally, I think the hardest is knowing you will never say hello again. The reason is after that moment you will never see that person, that pet or that item again. It’s permanent. Tears will be shed after that final goodbye. It is the final one that hurts the most because you can never get it or them back once it is truly gone.

The next hardest is there only being a chance you will see them again after the goodbyes are said. there is hope that there might be another set of hellos after a goodbye, but the chance are fifty-fifty at most. Sometimes that little bit of hope of seeing a person again can be annoying though. This is because your heart is hoping to see them again, but your mind says differently because it is not logical. It can be easier to think of these goodbyes are permanent and then if you do cross paths again, it will be a pleasant surprise.

The last type of goodbye is knowing you will see this person again. However, there are varying degrees of temporary goodbyes. Sometimes it is until the next hang out or until the semester or the end of a school year or maybe a couple years. it is usually the wait that’s worse than the goodbye. It’s crying with your best friend in her car the night before she leaves for college. It’s crying when leaving one grade in one school and moving onto the next one.

Goodbyes are hard and rarely easy.

18. Think about it in a long-term perspective

I hear a lot of my friends when they are reflecting on their own experiences and I will hear them say I regret not doing this or that. I think that is the biggest piece of advice to people is consider the long-term options; will you regret in a week? In a month? In a year? in a couple years?

Whether, it is regret because you wish you did something and you didn’t, or you did something and wish you didn’t; regret is regret. Once something is done it cannot be undone. If you missed out on an opportunity that was a once in a lifetime even such as your junior prom or the final football game as a high school, there is no chance to make it up. because while you can be a guest at a dance or go back to high school football games as an alumnus, you have change in age and it is someone else’s last. live in the moment and enjoy it all while you can because we’re all growing up.

19. Work towards your dreams

I was watching a YouTuber's vlog a couple months back and this person is normally about having fun and living positively which I seriously respect. However, he decided to give this specific video a more serious vibe and they were talking about following your dreams and working towards them. Pretty simple and we've all heard some variation of that speech before, right? Well he added another twist on it and said "if you're not working towards your own dreams than your just working towards someone else's."

That really got me to thinking, and it's true. While not everyone has a crazy dreams to be an internet personality, movie star or the next big thing, everyone does have a dream that's important to them. Your dream could be to genuinely happy or travel more or conquer a fear. If it's your lifelong dream to do that, then start working towards it. Dreams can be simple or complicated depending on what you wish to accoplish, but whatever it is do not be afraid to go after it.

It's your dream, go chase it.

20. It takes a while to be comfortable in your own skin

Society makes this a pretty hard thing to do. You can be confident in your own skin, but we all have insecurities that we wish we could change.

The reason it is hard to finally be comfortable in your own skin is beauty standards and pressures. Beauty standards are different in every city, state, country and society. Magazines will depict images of small waistlines, big busts and butts, perfectly styled curls, toned muscles, tan skin, no acne and perfect makeup. However, due to photoshop fails on magazines we know that majority of the time the images we see have been enhanced or airbrushed.

It is pretty hard to reach an ideal beauty standard if it isn’t even real. This makes it hard to except every little freckle, every scar, every shape and every flaw we have. It takes time.

I think for me while there are some things I wish looked differently such as the back of my arms (this is probably my biggest insecurity), but once I learned to stop caring what others thought then I became much happier. I’m not going to lie and say that there aren’t days that I do care, but for the most part I don’t anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m in college or nearing twenty or working on being healthy or something else.

All I know is that I used to always straightened or curl my hair for school because my natural waves were unpredictable and uneven. I used to always wear a full face of make up to school. I used to always wait a couple of weeks before wearing the same outfit twice.

Do I do any of those things now?

Well it depends on the day really. I live in Orlando, Florida and it’s pretty much humid and warm almost all year round. In college, I’ll only straightened my hair when I’m going to some event that way if I take pictures it looks nice. Otherwise its either in braids, a bun or a ponytail. In college, I’ll only wear makeup if I feel like doing it in months October through April, but if it’s finals week then no. in college, I’ll wear whatever is comfortable. Majority of my wardrobe is black leggings and long-sleeved tees.

This means I’m pretty much makeup free and comfortable. Would middle school or high school me do that? Probably not. Obviously, I didn’t start wearing makeup until seventh grade and it was a couple shades too dark and resembled the cakey dance makeup I was used to. Now, I’ll consider a full makeup day filling in my brows and putting on mascara. Quite the big difference, isn’t it?

It’s hard to say what exactly caused the change, but I’ll say that it’s due to starting or being comfortable in my own skin. Obviously, since I’m twenty it takes a while. I mentioned earlier that it seems we were are really young we don’t care about certain things then it peaks around middle school and then start to fall again and does it go back up? well I don’t know I’m only twenty.

So these are the twenty things that I’ve learned in twenty years. I’ve learned more and I still have a lot left to learn, but here is to my twentieth-first year. I get some people might be confused by that statement but each birthday is a celebration of how many years you have lived so far. So Happy 20th Birthday to me.

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