A Reason, A Season and A Lifetime

Reason

In life, they say you have three types of friends; those who come for a reason, those who come for a season and those who come for a lifetime. Now at first, it is always hard to tell which category a person falls into. However, I will go into detail about each and it should clear some things up. Also out of respect for the individuals, I am not mentioning anyone's name, so if you do know their names I ask that you please do not comment them, thank you.

First is those who are here for a reason. The people who fall under this category are your short-term friends. While short term can be a relative word to each person, it is probably the hardest to identify. The reason is some may group these friendships with those for a season by mistake. Think of it this way, a reason can be a lesson, a couple of years where as a season is a distinct phase in your life.

Personally, I think we all have had these friends and I can think of a few off the top of my head. These are the people you think you’ll be friends with forever, but life has another plan. With the reason type of friends, the potential ways the friendship could end are a fall out, death, or a disagreement. These people were never meant to stay, but they did help you along the way. Never forget that an ex-best friend was once a best friend. The past, photographs and memories of a person will stay the same even if things change between you and them.

As for my experience, I recently had a friendship end with a person who I now know was for a reason. It ended pretty messy if I am being completely honest. This person was not who I thought they were at all, but for the two years and three months they were a good friend to me at least. I am not going to use the name of this person just for privacy reasons. However, if this person is reading this post. I wish you good luck in your life.

Now this person came into my life in 2015 and until the fourth of July of this year, they growingly became one of my best friends. They were there for me when my dog died, our favorite band broke up, and when my favorite celebrity of the time left a band. This friend and I were super close, and because I was older by a couple of years I loved helping them out when I could whether it was advice or just as a person to vent to.

While it didn’t end as smoothly as I wished, I have learned a lot from this experience. Which is why they were for a reason and not a season. A few things I have learned is because of technology it lacks body language and tone even, voice your feelings because communication is key, and even if you are both known to banter with each other sometimes what you mean as a harmless joke they take seriously. Also never give up trying and clearing things up on your end, because it is better to have put in a lot of work even if they have given up on the friendship first.

I cannot stress enough how important communication in a friendship is; however, there is a reasonable point when you have you do have to give up. If they stopped talking to you, and you did everything in your power trying to fix it then it is more than okay give up if they keep ignoring you. This is something I learned from this reason based friendship. At the time I tried to fix whatever I did (I now know it was a joke myself and another friend said on a facetime with this person), and I apologized profusely but this person ignored me because they told me they were hurt twenty two days after the situation. I am glad the person told me why they dropped the friendship, but within the reason they told me they can hold a grudge for a long time and that they acted if they were so replaceable then there was nothing to lose.

Never once during the friendship, did I ever think this person was replaceable and I thought my trying to reach out and fix things was evidence. However, it wasn’t enough for this person. Sometimes you just cannot change what a person’s mindset is, but now that’s the past. Yes, it does suck if I do say so candidly to watch a friendship you cared and put so much effort into die off.

People who come into your life for a reason where only for that. Sometimes that reason is long other times it is very short, but over all this category is your short-term friendships. Never regret being friends with that person, even if the end turns out to be a shipwreck. You learned a lesson from them, and just wish them luck even on the separate paths because you never know what will happen to each other.

Season

Now onto those who are here for a season. A season is longer than a reason. These types of friends stick around longer but once that phase is over the friendship ceases to exist. For me personally, I have known people who I would consider my childhood best friend, middle school, high school, or currently a college best friend. Now while one of your lifetime best friends could start out this way, they have stayed around longer.

These friends even after that season ends, you still may keep the occasional contact in with. For example, birthday wishes and holiday greetings. Seasonal friendships in nature just tend to fade out. It doesn’t mean you won’t stop being their friend on Facebook, but rather just stop being a part of a part of their daily lives.

Out of all my seasonal friendships, I cannot think of any that ended poorly. They just stopped. These are the friendships that you’ll see pictures of you from the past and wonder how they are doing even if you see their life on social media, but you just don’t feel an urge to know past that. Sure it sounds kind of removed from the situation, but it’s being situationally aware that they were your best friend in your Advanced Placement Chemistry class or that person you ate lunch with everyday freshman year because you were afraid to be seen alone.

Everyone has these types of friends and it’s okay if you don’t talk outside of that class or grade or school. It is completely normal. You move onto the next grade, they move away, you go to different schools, they go into the armed forces while you go to college or you graduate. These are all things that happen in life and they are a part of you as you grow up. they helped you in your life and you returned the same.

Seasonal friendships last longer than regional ones, but neither last as long as a lifetime friendship.

Lifetime

At nineteen and seven months old (I turn 20 in December), I can say there are people who I have known since kindergarten in still keep in touch with, but I only have one person at the time I would consider a lifetime best friend. I will admit I have a few friends who have lasted longer than a reason, have gone through a few seasons such as high school and college but it only has been two years. I guarantee these friends in a couple more years will be considered lifetime; however, like I said at the moment I only have one I would truly consider a lifetime friend.

The one person is my best friend who I have known since October of 2002. That’s almost fifteen years and is about eighty percent of my life. I’ve gone through preschool, elementary school, different middle schools, high school and now different colleges with this person. This person is my best friend and we can go months without seeing each other due to the fact our colleges are three and a half hours apart unless there is traffic and then it feels like four, but when we see each other again it doesn’t feel weird.

We have shared so many stories, secrets, inside jokes, laughs, tears and so much of our lives together. We even plan to have each other as each other’s maid of honor even though we both are only nineteen and neither of us know who the man each of us plan on marrying yet. I feel like that is such a best friend thing to do, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

While the quote says there are only three types of friends, I believe there are ones between a reason, season and a lifetime. The reason is sometimes you know people are more than a reason but didn’t stay for the full season, or are more than a season but haven’t been around as long. In whole, people will either come into your life and chose to stick around, leave after some time or leave almost as fast as they came into it. Just remember even when the friendship becomes rough, you grow a part or if they stay, all of it made/makes you who you currently are and nothing can change the memories, conversations you had or the photographs taken.

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